So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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