Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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