Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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