you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize