you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
