Barsexuality is the new black.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
