i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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