Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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