Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
