The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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