he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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