Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
