It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
