Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
