it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
