Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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