I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
