btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
