omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
