is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just tell him i said nine months
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
