What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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