no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize