omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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