My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
