He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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