i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
