There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize