Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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