.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
