I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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