no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
