Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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