How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
