But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
