I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
FUCK WHALES
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
