Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
