Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
