we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
