He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
