If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
