I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize