tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His hands were made for my vagina.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
