i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
