if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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