so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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