are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
