I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
