I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
