I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
