Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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