I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
