My first STD was from a foam party
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
