You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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