just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
