Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
