im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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