John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
