i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
