if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
