I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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