my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
