Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
