So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?"Ā¯ and "Why tacos?"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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