Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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