well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
