You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's great music for shaving your balls
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
