Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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