If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
