dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
