mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
