I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
