U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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