We won't sleep together?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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