I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
